Failure. An experience that is felt differently be each and every one of us. And yet, the one thing that is common for everybody is the uncomfortable feeling that we want to avoid because it can leave us feeling unfulfilled. Still, we fail. ALL THE TIME. Why do we sometimes try to run in the opposite direction (which may not necessarily be success, by the way!). What if instead of running from failure, we ran head on into it- knowing it is actually part of the journey to reaching our goals?
Stick with me for a moment. When you think about some of the moments in your life where you failed- be it kindergarten, the 6th grade spelling bee championships, or omitting chocolate from your diet (ALL of which I’ve failed, by the way)- what kind of feelings come to the surface? The catch is that failure is part of the cycle of learning, and if we continue to avoid the feelings that come with it- we may never have the chance to start becoming more comfortable with the concept…and ultimately we lose out on learning some incredible aspects about ourselves. Now, if there was just an easier way to handle failure…
Well, you’re in luck- I may have a few ideas ahead that could fail…but it’s worth taking a look at! (Like how I did that?)
1. THE FEELINGS SURROUNDING FAILURE
A big reason why people avoid failure so adamantly is because of how it makes them feel on the inside…it’s not very comfortable at all. The larger the feeling of discomfort, the more one will simply resist the possibility of failure, pushing it away until it becomes unavoidable. On the other hand, is it possible that the opposite is true- that perhaps there is a safety in failing. Let’s consider this idea. Sometimes, people feel comfortable in failing because they are used to it. It is sustainable. It is safe. Success is new and foreign to them, and they end up self-sabotaging any chance of success by holding onto a belief such as “I’ll always mess up, I’m never good enough, I will fail yet again, etc…” In either case, the feelings of discomfort are present. So let’s start shifting those feelings.
2. THE MANY VERSIONS OF FAILING
Is it possible that our current definitions and feelings around failure may not be helpful in the ways we would like? If so, how do we start to redefine the concept of failure to work in our favor? Try on some of these- see how they feel for you.
FAIL: First Attempt In Learning
FAIL: Forever Acquiring Important Lessons
FAIL: Flawlessly Ascending In Life
FAIL: F____________ A _____________ I _______________ L ______________
(create your own failing advnenture!)
In order to use failure as a tool to move forward, it is about recognizing that we can move past it- and part of it includes acceptance. If we hold onto our failures, we drag them with us, ending up with 400 pounds of emotional baggage (you know what I mean!)…which comes about from perceived expectations of success. However, if we are able to accept failures as just being a lesson in life or a way to learn, then we have the ability to forgive those things, making it easier to move on. How would our approach to failing be different if we just considered it a lesson to learn from?
3. GET CREATIVE WITH YOUR FAILURES
Have you ever noticed how children handle failure? It appears they don’t take it as serious as adults do. They hold a sense of adventure, curiosity and excitement to try new things and adapt as they go along. There are no judgments in their failures. Because they have zero expectations, they have zero disappointment. As children get older, there are expectations placed upon them by themselves or others, and when those expectations are not reached, judgment and criticism start showing up. By being able to go back to child-like innocence of not being impeded on by expectations of ourselves and others, we begin to let go of the outcome and tap into the creative potential we had as children. What would that look like for you?
4. CHOOSE TO SAFELY FAIL
One reason why people have such dread when thinking of failure is the fact that they haven’t failed ENOUGH. Like anything, failure is a muscle to be exercised. The more one is open to failing, the more comfortable one becomes with the act of failing itself. Similar to failing, humans tend to shy away from rejection (another cup of tea I’d rather avoid). However, here’s an inspiring story of a man who disliked rejection so much, that he decided to face it head on. For 100 days. What he discovered is that the fears in his head were much bigger than what the reality actually was. Taking his experience as a spring board, what if we empowered ourselves to fail from time to time, telling ourselves it is safe, creative, and healthy to do so? Think of a time when YOU had a failure, and there is something simple you could work through. I’ll share one of mine with you. I often fail to eat breakfast and drink enough water- but I am successful at keeping a stash of healthy snacks at work. I also have begun to intentionally place glasses of water around my home and work space. So now I have a way to keep a healthy sense of energy and hydration throughout the day. This simple example shows how we have a chance to assess the areas of our life that could use a strategy boost from feeling failure to success- all within a safe zone as we grow more comfortable with both failures and successes.
5. THE SILVER LINING OF FAILURE
When we consider some of the moments in your life where we “failed” at something, what were some of the life lessons that came about because of it? Are there other experiences where in the moment of failing, the feelings were challenging, and yet now when we look back at it, we are able to laugh? Failure itself is really empowering us to make the decisions necessary to reach success. Some of my best experiences happened because of failing in one sense or another. Most recently, because of my own perceived failures at my last job, the silver lining is I had the strength to quit. Had I not quit my job, I would not have had the opportunity to pursue my passion in life coaching and helping people in ways I would have never imagined. And now, I happen to be trained in processes that allow me to help others recognize the opportunity in their own failures and to move through them towards success. Looking back, I have so much gratitude for the lessons I learned and continue to learn. The final point is, that our failures hold empowering moments for us. They are like treasures that we can only experience if we embrace and accept that we may fail. Once we step into that space, a whole world of possibilities open up to us. And that’s pretty incredible.
Stay tuned for next month, where we go beyond understanding failure, and taking action in accepting failures and moving through them. As we prepare, what are some examples of failures that would like to read about in next month’s article?
I remain surprised and amazed with how helpful feedback is, and I welcome your feedback to this article! Feel free to respond to this newsletter with your comments or email me and let me know what you think about this month’s theme. Additionally, I’m curious to know which topics you’d like to hear more about, knowing that practical solutions help support the pathway to a healthier lifestyle. Thanks for stopping by!