Have you ever thought to yourself, “I am so stressed out, there is too much on my plate, and now I feel a headache coming on.”?
Or have you ever said out loud, “I really don’t have time to take a break. I need to get this one thing done.”?
Or even just felt yourself tense up thinking about going somewhere and feeling in your gut that it’s going to be awful?
Yikes.
When you ask yourself these questions, consider how many times you have said a similar phrase out loud, or even thought them to yourself…and then how you felt internally. My guess is they sure didn’t add to your happiness, relaxation, and overall ease of the day. In fact, there are countless times in the day where we actually self-sabotage our own peace and calm, simply by the words we choose to think and speak.
Often times we are not aware of the words we use to express ourselves. Our minds and our mouths go on autopilot. Rather than expressing what’s going on inside- we just express WHATEVER is going on, whether it’s positive or not. And to an extent, expressing our frustrations and worries, venting them out to our trusted community is definitely helpful. However, by using the same language patterns over and over again, we consistently end up going down the same rabbit holes of frustration, stress, and despair. What if there was a way out of that old rabbit hole? What if you could have the ability to experience less stress and a greater sense of calm in your day, simply by the words you use? Would you want to give this solution a try?
1. UNDERSTAND WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON Our journey begins at the level of our subconscious mind- the place where so much action happens based on what we think. Success Coach Brian Tracey puts it simple- “your conscious mind commands and your subconscious mind obeys.” A thought only takes a second…and a series of stressful thoughts only a few more, meaning that our subconscious mind is reacting at lightning speed to what’s going on internally. For example, if we THINK that we are in danger, our body already begins to tense, our heart rate speeds up, and we become more alert, all based on a command that the conscious mind gave to the subconscious mind. A simple solution in that moment is just taking a good deep breath in with a positive statement such as “I am safe” as a way to give our subconscious an alternative choice. In the same vein, if we have calm thoughts especially in moments of stress, our body will respond to what we are thinking rather than our external environment. Have you ever noticed in stressful situations, the one or two people that just look like they have it all together and NOTHING can phase them? Chances are, nothing does! The thoughts they are telling themselves internally are keeping them calm and relaxed.
2.CONSIDER A NEW LANGUAGE PATTERN Our subconscious mind is really good at following directions. However, it LOVES to stay in a comfort zone of what it knows. The thoughts we have and the words we use on a daily basis are deeply embedded in our minds- so starting to use words that are more helpful than hindering is kind of like learning a new language. At first it might be a bit clunky and awkward, but with time, we begin to speak more fluidly and with confidence. As we try on new ways of thinking and speaking, our subconscious mind may hesitate, because this is a new pathway you are paving. So when we fall back into old thought patterns, it’s our subconscious returning to its comfort zone of what it knows. However, we have a huge opportunity on a conscious level to be aware of what we are thinking and saying to then recognize our own power to change it.
3. START WITH INTERNAL AWARENESS The first step to using a new language pattern is to recognize the words or thoughts we no longer want to have. When we become more curious and aware of how we speak and think in different moments, we can start recognizing where a word-swap will be most beneficial. For example, the next time you are thinking about a task that needs to be completed, notice the dialogue happening inside. Often in times of stress, we have an internal critical voice that demands attention. What does yours sound like? Is it inquisitive? nagging? stressed out? loud and bossy? What does it sound like to you? And now that your internal voice has been brought to the surface- are you happy with it? Or would you like to change the tone to something more supportive? Imagine switching the critical voice with the soothing tone of a smooth jazz radio station…already you may feel more relaxed, knowing you’ll complete this task with absolute ease and smoooooth vibes. You may even find yourself laughing at how comical your internal voice sounds.
4. DELETE “SHOULD, HAVE TO, NEED TO” AND REPLACE WITH “GET TO”
One way to launch into the power of words is to be selective of the ones you use. As an example, notice when you are stressed, what types of words and thoughts you use. Are you using a lot of “Should’s, Have to’s, and Need to’s”? What if you replaced those words with “GET TO” and see what follows?
Or have you ever said out loud, “I really don’t have time to take a break. I need to get this one thing done.”?
Or even just felt yourself tense up thinking about going somewhere and feeling in your gut that it’s going to be awful?
Yikes.
When you ask yourself these questions, consider how many times you have said a similar phrase out loud, or even thought them to yourself…and then how you felt internally. My guess is they sure didn’t add to your happiness, relaxation, and overall ease of the day. In fact, there are countless times in the day where we actually self-sabotage our own peace and calm, simply by the words we choose to think and speak.
Often times we are not aware of the words we use to express ourselves. Our minds and our mouths go on autopilot. Rather than expressing what’s going on inside- we just express WHATEVER is going on, whether it’s positive or not. And to an extent, expressing our frustrations and worries, venting them out to our trusted community is definitely helpful. However, by using the same language patterns over and over again, we consistently end up going down the same rabbit holes of frustration, stress, and despair. What if there was a way out of that old rabbit hole? What if you could have the ability to experience less stress and a greater sense of calm in your day, simply by the words you use? Would you want to give this solution a try?
1. UNDERSTAND WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON Our journey begins at the level of our subconscious mind- the place where so much action happens based on what we think. Success Coach Brian Tracey puts it simple- “your conscious mind commands and your subconscious mind obeys.” A thought only takes a second…and a series of stressful thoughts only a few more, meaning that our subconscious mind is reacting at lightning speed to what’s going on internally. For example, if we THINK that we are in danger, our body already begins to tense, our heart rate speeds up, and we become more alert, all based on a command that the conscious mind gave to the subconscious mind. A simple solution in that moment is just taking a good deep breath in with a positive statement such as “I am safe” as a way to give our subconscious an alternative choice. In the same vein, if we have calm thoughts especially in moments of stress, our body will respond to what we are thinking rather than our external environment. Have you ever noticed in stressful situations, the one or two people that just look like they have it all together and NOTHING can phase them? Chances are, nothing does! The thoughts they are telling themselves internally are keeping them calm and relaxed.
2.CONSIDER A NEW LANGUAGE PATTERN Our subconscious mind is really good at following directions. However, it LOVES to stay in a comfort zone of what it knows. The thoughts we have and the words we use on a daily basis are deeply embedded in our minds- so starting to use words that are more helpful than hindering is kind of like learning a new language. At first it might be a bit clunky and awkward, but with time, we begin to speak more fluidly and with confidence. As we try on new ways of thinking and speaking, our subconscious mind may hesitate, because this is a new pathway you are paving. So when we fall back into old thought patterns, it’s our subconscious returning to its comfort zone of what it knows. However, we have a huge opportunity on a conscious level to be aware of what we are thinking and saying to then recognize our own power to change it.
3. START WITH INTERNAL AWARENESS The first step to using a new language pattern is to recognize the words or thoughts we no longer want to have. When we become more curious and aware of how we speak and think in different moments, we can start recognizing where a word-swap will be most beneficial. For example, the next time you are thinking about a task that needs to be completed, notice the dialogue happening inside. Often in times of stress, we have an internal critical voice that demands attention. What does yours sound like? Is it inquisitive? nagging? stressed out? loud and bossy? What does it sound like to you? And now that your internal voice has been brought to the surface- are you happy with it? Or would you like to change the tone to something more supportive? Imagine switching the critical voice with the soothing tone of a smooth jazz radio station…already you may feel more relaxed, knowing you’ll complete this task with absolute ease and smoooooth vibes. You may even find yourself laughing at how comical your internal voice sounds.
4. DELETE “SHOULD, HAVE TO, NEED TO” AND REPLACE WITH “GET TO”
One way to launch into the power of words is to be selective of the ones you use. As an example, notice when you are stressed, what types of words and thoughts you use. Are you using a lot of “Should’s, Have to’s, and Need to’s”? What if you replaced those words with “GET TO” and see what follows?
“I have to do so many things before the end of the day.”
Or….
“I get to do so many things before the end of the day.”
Or….
“I get to do so many things before the end of the day.”
It’s all a matter of perspective. A mentor once told me that when we GET to do something, it is a privilege. Not everyone gets to do what we get to do. So the fact that you may have a lot to complete on your to-do list means that you are a super-capable person, able to handle multiple items at the same time, with an ability to prioritize based on urgency and your own inner knowing of what comes next. Wowza! What an awesome opportunity!
5. PRACTICE OUR NEW STRATEGY I’m going to pull out another practice phrase! “Neurons that fire together, wire together!” So the more proactive you are in these strategies, the stronger your new thought patterns become (and ultimately, your subconscious gets on board with the new lingo.) All of this begins with a simple reframe. Reframing is often thought to be a way in which we express our thoughts and words in a more positive manner. By reframing a negative thought, we offer our subconscious a different way of reacting to our conscious thoughts. Let’s take the example from the beginning of the article.
SCENARIO
I am so stressed out, there is too much on my plate, and I feel a headache coming on.
REFRAME
Huh! I feel a bit stressed, so I’m going to take a deep breath in and slowly count to ten.
Since I feel a headache coming on, that is my cue to take care of my internal state and perhaps take a water break. I am calm and relaxed knowing I get to figure out how to best support myself and my work in this moment. (cue jazzy host voice and saxophone music)
Big changes happen with small steps. Powerful ways of expressing ourselves happen one word at a time…and now you have the tools to start gathering the words you GET to use, rather than the ones you SHOULD use. May you feel empowered with the knowledge that you can improve your thoughts, words, and actions, one step at a time.
I remain surprised and amazed with how helpful feedback is, and I welcome your feedback to this article! Feel free to respond to this article with your comments or email me and let me know what has worked best for you. Additionally, I’m curious to know which topics you’d like to hear more about, knowing that practical solutions help support the pathway to a healthier lifestyle. Stay tuned for next month, there are always some goodies to add to your toolkit!!